She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
