Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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