I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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