So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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