This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
