Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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