I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
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My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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