Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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