just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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