She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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