Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
