I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
