Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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