How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
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I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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