trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
