I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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