PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
