ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
