i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i would punch a child for taco bell
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
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He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
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I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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