5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
