The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
