Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
