i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize