Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
