My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
