dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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