You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
