Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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