Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
