she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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