no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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