She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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