About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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