everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
