I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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