I want to make a zoo with you.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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