You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
