god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
