My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
