am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
