Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
