Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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