i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
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Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
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Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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