everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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