Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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