What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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