Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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