We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
