We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
