she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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