we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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