Dual....:-)
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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