From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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