That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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