my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
