and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
