Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
