are you still at the devil's house?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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