Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
