A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She's like a pop up book from hell.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
