I want to have your abortion
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
