I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I fill condoms, not promises.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
