Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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