Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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