Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
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