gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
