College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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