brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
