You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
