She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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