I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
