i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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