stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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