new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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