I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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