hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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